Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
