No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
oh god was she eating orange peels again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
