I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
