I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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