I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
