I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
