dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
BRING THE BAGELS
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
