My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
