**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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