I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
