I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
