I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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