question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
