I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
