i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
