Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
