Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
