I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
