i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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