the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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