he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
