Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
