im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
