a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
