I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
