i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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