It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
