Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You had me at "let me see your balls"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
