Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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