Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
