Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
