so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
