Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
