oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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