Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
