I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
