I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
