so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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