three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
