the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
