I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
