I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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