I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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