you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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