My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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