Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
