I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How's work?
Spinning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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