She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
