We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize