When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
