it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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