It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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