You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize