What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
