You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
