He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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