Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
