I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
