i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
