Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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