Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
