Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my being single is dangerous.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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