just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
