He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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