From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
