So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize