so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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