Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
