ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
