it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
