why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
