She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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